The Gadfly: 05.08

When I was in New Orleans, a guy named Paul said to me "I think a lot of people get confused, and instead of focusing on their relationship with God and what he wants them to do, people tend to try to hard to do what they want to do for him. Cassie, sometimes you want something so bad and you think it's all great, but then God just takes it away from you. And you question how he could take away something so great. But He knows what's best for you and so things will work out if they are meant to and if you're looking to God."

It's really made me think lately...
And I also stumbled across a really good book...that emphasizes what he was saying:
It's NOT about Me - By Max Lucado

I know that my life is in God's hands and I've complete faith in him and that he'll take me where He wants me to go...

BUT! I've never really thought about the relief that thought can give you.
I'm a worry wort... I tend to get caught up in planning for the future and worrying about the past. It's always been hard for me to deal with change. And this puts a whole new perspective on my life.

It emphasizes that no matter what happens, it's happening for a reason, God's glory! And it puts me at ease to know that even the worst of situations have meaning behind them. It makes me stop worrying about my future's outcome. I've put my life in his hands, I look to God, He'll take me where I need to be. And it's really helped me put my past behind me, and live in the now. I feel if I'm looking at every moment to glorify God, than everything will be okay.

And that's why I'm here, in the AmeriCorps, to shine light on him. Not me! I felt this is what was right for me, even if some people think it's selfish to leave everyone behind. And even if some people see it as all personal gain. I see it differently. I may be getting killer benefits on the road I've choosen...but it's only because I've been looking to God!
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Now, let me tell you a little bit about New Jersey...
I arrived last Saturday to Camp Sun 'n' Fun, which I was under the impression we'd be out in the middle of nowhere. Guess who was wrong? Yes, me! We are right off of a main road, next to a very populated area, with a mini airport nearby. However, it's STILL a nice getaway. After volunteer housing, living with hundreds of people, it's nice to be with just my team...even if they make me want to rip my hair out. I have a lot of "me time." Reading, talking on the phone, exercising, writing, researching for future plans (which are slowly but surely being blueprinted, I don't think they'll ever be set in stone. Like I said, living life moment to moment...I trust I'll end up where I should be.) So it's nice here, doing a lot of self-searching. I sleep in a little OPEN-AIR cabin with 5 other girls. It's a little cramped, and it's been cold lately. Sleeping with 3 sweatshirts and 2 pairs of sweatpants! Definately living the life...boy do I miss heat! lol It's been raining a lot, and I've been working on my positivity and telling myself that "God makes rainy days, so we can appreciate the sunny ones so much more." It's been getting me through the days. We also cook for ourselves here...which is nice! Not having to eat on a schedule, and one of my teammates is a pretty excellent cook. :)

We work here at the camp, one day a week, in exchange to stay here. And we've been doing a lot of clean-up and painting. It's nice to see how a camp runs...lets me feel things out a bit! I haven't got the chance to talk to the director....but hopefully soon!

The rest of the week, we work at the garden. It's a little different than what we thought it up to be. But we are weeding and planting, which is more relaxing and enjoyable than I ever thought it'd be. I remember having a garden as a kid, and hating it, whining to Mom...Why do we have to do this? lol Well, times have changed...I wouldn't mind getting my hands full of soil everyday! We garden in the garden and also around the community! But we've also been painting around the garden for a big national gardening convention that they have the honor of hosting this year. So we are making the garden look nice 'n' spiffy. It's really nice to see the transformation! They also have festivals on Fridays & Saturdays that we help at.

The sponsors are so nice, they are getting us free tickets to everything. So I've been to a Riversharks baseball game & seen Philidelphia. We've got a bunch of other stuff lined up...so I definately won't be short on fun this round. It's a little frustrating to always have to be with the team, but like I said...I get away whenever possible. It's just like being around siblings 24/7 with no real chance to get away. They are there ALL THE TIME! It's defiantely teaching me patience and all those other good social skills.

So I've really been enjoying myself, it's just a little harder to see the impact we have this round. Camden is such a depressed city and I'd love to see some major change. But I can't ask for that, I guess. Things don't change overnight...I can only do as much as I can. It's just hard to see the lifestyle people live here. I've been told a lot of kids graduate and don't know how to read. That's just one bad thing on a list of many. They really need a helping hand here...it's so hard for me to picture no way out for all of these poor children born into a lifestyle and not know anything else. Really gets me thinking on my future, with my non-profit, maybe I'll work with inner city kids. And show them the world isn't all bad and they can make something more of themselves!

OH OH! Which leads me into telling you all, that I got in for Summer of Service. I'm so excited...I'll be working with 14-18 yr olds, who are all from low-income familes and I'll be leading them in service projects down in New Orleans. Sound a little familar? YEAH YEAH! Just like the non-profit that I want to start...I'm hoping to really get a feel for this. AHHHHHHHHHH! <----that's me excited!:)

And since I'll be in New Orleans...I get to see the houses I rebuilt...DONE! and get to spend 4th of July with them! OW OW! I'm getting antsy!

P.S. I was also on the front page of Camden's Courier Post...first ever newspaper photo...smack dap in the middle, BIG AND IN COLOR! I'm a celeb. No! Just kidding...it was an article to promote the garden and AmeriCorps*NCCC.

Well, that's the news, in a nutshell, well, a really BIG, detailed nutshell....
Love & Miss You All! Hope all is well back home...

Have I been sleeping?
I've been so still
Afraid of crumbling
Have I been careless?
Dismissing all the distant rumblings
Take me where I am supposed to be
To comprehend the things that I can't see

Cause I need to move
I need to wake up
I need to change
I need to shake up
I need to speak out
Something's got to break up
I've been asleep
And I need to wake up
Now

And as a child I danced like it was 1999
My dreams were wild
The promise of this new world
Would be mine
Now I am throwing off the carelessness of youth
To listen to an inconvenient truth
That I need to move
I need to wake up
I need to change
I need to shake up
I need to speak out
Something's got to break up
I've been asleep
And I need to wake up
Now

I am not an island
I am not alone
I am my intentions
Trapped here in this flesh and bone

And I need to move
I need to wake up
I need to change
I need to shake up
I need to speak out
Something's got to break up
I've been asleep
And I need to wake up
Now

Another song that gives a little insight into why I'm here...
Really shows how I felt before I left home...

The Gadfly

23 May 2008

PICTURES GALORE!

15 May 2008

It's NOT about Me...

I Need to Wake Up -By Melissa Etheridge